I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Randomize