It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
My dick has a subreddit
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
