she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
