im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
