woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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