oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
