Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
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