rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
