thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
