Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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