Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
