Jerry, you need to find god
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
We need to feng shui this bitch.
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