I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
