So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
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