she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
