I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize
