I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Randomize
