i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
