Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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