btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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