that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize