ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize