He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
