just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
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