it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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