I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
