If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
