Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
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