Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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