i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Randomize
