great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Randomize
