She said her name was "party"
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
