Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
