i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I don't deserve a penis
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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