I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize
