That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
