a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
