There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
