Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I think people are normalizing furries
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize