his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
