I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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