I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize