if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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