guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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