Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
