how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
