they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
