im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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