wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
