I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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