every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
