the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
