i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
