We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
