You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
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