Kiss
Puke
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
