remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
that is very illegal...i love you.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
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