Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Why did my mother make you get naked?
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
