I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
