i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
