i permit you to call me
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
