wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize