I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
