I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
