And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
