Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Please, let me fuck your mom
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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