Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Randomize
