He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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