Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
sex in a hospital.. check
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
