I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
