then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I am mentally ready for anal.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
