a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Sorry about my life...
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
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