So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
