I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
